aspire2inspireblog

As you read this blog, I must warn that you will find, honest thoughts, ambitions, and hopes from my mind.

Smelly Supermarket Situations…

This blog proved to me it’s usefulness this morning. No, I’m not talking about the fact I now have something to do on the Internet apart from refresh my Facebook news feed. I’m not referring to that warm feeling of happiness I experience every time I get another view either. No, my dear readers, the thing that made me realise that this blog was truly having a positive effect on my life is the fact that this blog is read by people… One of these valued readers happens to be my father. He read last night’s blog, realised how much the early morning wake up hurt me emotionally, and decided to not get me up this morning until 11 o’clock. Thank you, you beautiful blog, thank you.

After I floated out of my sleeping chamber on a peaceful cloud, I met my father in the kitchen, waving a crisp £20 note at me. I couldn’t believe my eyes… Money? For moi? I began to dream again, this time of a glorious shopping trip in which money was thrown into the air as I twirled around, swinging my many bursting shopping bags, while shop assistants laughed and clapped their hands at their new favourite customer. I leaned forward to take the note and that was when I learnt that this money was not destined to be spent on beautiful outfits for me – it was for milk and barbecue ribs. Hmm… My shopping fantasy didn’t seem to take part in the middle of a Morrisons’ aisle… Not enough room for twirling there.

Off I danced to Morrisons – and when I say dance, I mean I was ‘busting some real moves’. I was really ‘making shapes’. A couple of jumps and plenty of jazz hands – what a delightful way to journey to your local supermarket! That’s why I choose to be a pedestrian – you can’t really dance your feet off if your stuck in a vehicle, can you?! It wasn’t until I noticed I was receiving odd looks from the rest of the public that I realised no one else could hear my iPod. Oh well.

I bounced through the doors, full of energy from my extended sleep, and immediately had to reduce my over-excited, Labrador puppy-like bound into an overweight Dachshund lollop. Yes, my dear readers, I was stuck behind your standard OAP. Why? Why does it always happen to me? I clock my desired shopping item, and I begin to make my way over, keen to buy my products quickly so I can get back to my sweet, safe home. But a sweet little old lady wanders in front of me, blocking the whole aisle with her trolley so I can’t get past. When a child does it, you smile and look at their parent expectantly until they usher their little darlings out of the way. When it’s someone middle-aged, they move on quickly, determined to get their day going. But when it’s an old lady, who is searching for a new herbal tea to try and staring from a distance at the label in confusion at the little font, you can’t exactly push their trolley out the way, can you?! And is it only me who, when they try and say politely “Excuse me?”, are completely ignored as, of course, you’re talking into their ‘deaf ear.’ This happened to me today, and eventually, after several attempts, I gave up and went another longer route. Of course, as soon as I did this, the lady moved her trolley. I have a sneaky suspicion she could hear me all along and was abusing her powers of looking like ‘an innocent OAP’ to annoy polite youngsters like me.. Hmmm…

However, I didn’t allow this delay ruin my thrilling shopping adventure: I was determined to enjoy this outing. My brother had requested a Pot Noodle for lunch, which of course where at the other end of the shop – Why does Morrisons have to be so big?! Don’t you know that most of today’s society are lazy oafs – was the obesity rating in England being so incredibly high not a clue to you?! There should be one of those moving walkers that you find in airports down each of the cross-aisles with no bars on the side so when you get to your aisle, you can just roll your trolley off happily down your aisle. This is Charlotte Penketh-King, Obese Society Sympathiser…

When I finally reached the last aisle of the supermarket, out of breath, I began the hunt for the Pot Noodles. And where are they? Bottom shelf. Ladies and gentlemen, I am 5 foot and 11 inches. I am not exactly short, and the floor is a long way down for someone like me. I sighed and crouched down to be level with this damn shelf and, of course, the last Chicken and Mushroom Pot Noodle has been pushed right to the back of the shelf. I think the shop assistant got a bit of a surprise when they came round the corner to find me laid flat on the floor, with my head and right arm completely disappeared from view, being slowly eaten by the bottom shelf in the last aisle of Morrisons. I hope they thought I was more determined than desperate… I daren’t think of what they would have done had I got stuck…

I marched back down the entire shop until I reached The Self-Service Check Outs, as I only had 2 racks of ribs, 4 pints of milk and a Chicken and Mushroom Pot Noodle (yes, I got it!) in my basket. I stood in line and waited, with the unpleasant odour of the overweight, sweaty man in front of me violently attacking my nostrils (please, supermarkets, think of my poor nose and install the moving walkers!). I was eventually at the front of the line, waiting for this smelly male to finish running his items through the scanner. I was appalled to see the amount he was buying… The reason these self-service check outs exist is so that people in a hurry don’t have to wait behind people with full trolleys. Therefore, the item limit to each person is 15 – this man had at least double that amount! As I stood and silently judged him, I was grateful when another check out opened up. I scanned my barbecue ribs and put them in the bag. Then the milk. Then the Pot Noodle… Oh. What’s this? ‘There seems to be a problem. Please put the item back in the bag.’ It is in the bag, you foolish machine! It isn’t my fault that Pot Noodles are ridiculously light! I started forcing my Pot Noodle down into the bag more, but the machine still had issues with me. Eventually, a frightened assistant swiped her magic card at the machine, ending the war between us… Or so I thought. I went to pay with cash, and APPARENTLY there was something wrong with my note. I kept pushing it into the slot, and it kept being returned. The poor assistant explained that the note wasn’t straight enough to be accepted and began to try and push out the wrinkles in the note. Oh, so my money isn’t GOOD ENOUGH for you, is it?! I was shooting the machine the dirtiest looks ever to grace the Earth since Harry Potter finally defeated Voldermort, and suddenly, my money was accepted. I smugly picked up my change, swooped the bag into my arms, thanked the terrified assistant, shot one last look at the machine and walked out. I had single-handedly taken on the world of technology… And won.

 

Now, my dear, sweet, beautiful readers, I am pleased to announce that, at my last check, this darling blog had reached 124 views! How perfectly brilliant! I decided that this meant I should treat my little blog to some updates, so BEHOLD! There are now buttons added (which you can see below this post) that mean you can share this post directly to your Twitter or Facebook and various other websites! YAY! Thank you so much for reading – I hope I managed to entertain you! Much love to you all. Good night! 🙂

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3 comments on “Smelly Supermarket Situations…

  1. penkethking
    January 5, 2013

    Wow such excitement to be had at your local supermarket it makes me want to look again when I next go to shop, thankyou Charlotte for another funny read love from a Little Old Lady lol x

  2. Jill
    January 5, 2013

    Twas me in the supermarket and I had, both, seen and heard you! There is nothing makes an old lady happier than riling up the younger generation. Even we have to take our thrills where we can! I shall be waiting patiently for you when you next visit Morrisons or are travelling on public transport and I shall make a determined effort to ensure I reach the public convenience cubicle just before you!!!

    • aspiringbird
      January 5, 2013

      Aha, so I meet my nemesis once more! I understand you must have found it hilarious to stand there, trying to hold back your laughter while I was far too British in this situation and respected the older generation… Actually, the more I complain about it, the more fun it seems… Like a childish prank, except you won’t be punished for it… Jill, would you allow me to join in your dear club of gleeful, older generation fun? It seems better to be stood on your side of the trolley that it is to be on mine!

      On a side note, thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog AND TO COMMENT! I really appreciate it, and I hope this means that I was entertaining to you! Again, thank you, and please consider my request to join the Little Rebellious Ladies’ Society! 🙂

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