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As you read this blog, I must warn that you will find, honest thoughts, ambitions, and hopes from my mind.

Dan da dannn: Super Rev!

My school has a strong Christian ethos to it. Chapel is compulsory 4 times a week, and hymns are always sung loudly and with much enthusiasm. Every Sunday, we have guests for the sermon, while our Reverend runs the remainder of the service.

Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, our current Reverend at our school took an early retirement. While he is still sorely missed, we had to quickly begin to look for someone to take up his position in replacement.

Part of the audition process was to deliver a sermon to our school body. 3 Reverends had applied, and the school was split into 3 groups so each group watched a different person. This was clearly a test to see how the interviewee would deliver a sermon and connect with the student body.

As a sat in our Chapel, my eyes drifting around the vast building as we waited patiently for the service to begin, my mind drifted off. I began to wonder what type of person I would like in our Chapel. After much contemplation, I came up with the perfect imaginary school Reverend.

The gender of the person doesn’t matter. I’d rather like a Father Ted type figure, comic yet traditional. Or maybe our very own Vicar of Dibley, hilarious and modernly brilliant. I’d like them middle aged, as I cannot imagine a young Reverend here, and older ones tend to be hard to hear or blatantly boring as they waffle on, drifting onto other topics.

Despite it being a traditional Church of England chapel, I would want someone who would liven up the services a little. I’m bored of the standard preaching from a podium. Something more lively – I’m not asking for a party and skrillex pumping out instead of the organ, nor the whole religious clapping and hands in the air type thing, as it would get silly if done here – just something that will stop half the congregation falling asleep! I want modern sermons on today’s issues and how to approach them in a Christian way, without getting too deep and serious for a school service.

That’s my exact point – it’s a service for a school. We are children. We don’t want to be preached at and ordered to worship God. We want to actually enjoy being there, otherwise chapel can be treated almost like detention. It shouldn’t be seen as a punishment – it should be a service relished and actually make us think instead of sleep.

That’s all I ask for when we interview these people – but don’t try too hard to be ‘young and hip’, as you’re just embarrassing yourself and us. Don’t say things like ‘cool’, don’t dress too young, don’t discuss music hits from 10 years ago, and don’t try to fit in with ‘YOLO’, ‘LOL, or ‘LMAO’. It is awfully cringeworthy for everyone.

It’s not that much to ask, is it? Sure, if you really want to get on our good side with cheap bribery, just ask us a riddle with the answer hidden in your sermon, and present a massive chocolate box as a prize, and you will have us hanging off your every word. I even attempted to work out a Maths equation when an Easter egg was up for grabs. I conclude this matter with my own equation: Chapel + Chocolate = Best Service Ever. I guarantee it will not be forgotten, by the lucky winners or bitter losers. Now that, Reverends, is appealing to your audience.

As I sat pondering this little matter of SuperRev, the service began. I shall not discuss the service for I feel it rather unfair on the person who had stood before us that day, but I shall say this – I left the service with no chocolate warming my stomach, which was a pity, as my thoughts had evoked an incredible craving for the substance, which I now had to endure through an English mock exam. Damn it…

Well, my dear readers, what qualities do you look for in a preacher or public speaker? Comment below! Much love to you all. Goodnight.

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