As you read this blog, I must warn that you will find, honest thoughts, ambitions, and hopes from my mind.
Yesterday, I was sat in my English class, and realised I had to excuse myself from the lesson tomorrow. On being asked why, I explained that after breakfast I would probably return to the house, enter my room and assume the foetal position for the remainder of the day. My teacher laughed – he didn’t understand how serious I was. This strange plan for me was because, ladies and gentlemen, 7th March 2013 was the day that 6th formers across the country received their January A Level Module Examinations results. Gulp.
Straight after breakfast, I set off with 2 friends from my dorm along the long path to the other end of the school, where the Head of 6th Form’s office was. The wind was colder this morning, I felt, more chilling than usual. I began to inwardly panic as the others chattered cheerfully. What if I failed? I knew already that I’d gotten something wrong in my History exam (see blog post on History from November). What if I didn’t get into Cardiff University? What if I ended up jobless, with no future? I saw an image of myself, huddled on a street corner, wrapped in a blanket as people dropped the occasional penny in my hat. Oh God. No. This can’t happen. I can’t handle the street life. I get scared walking alone to the bathroom at night, let alone sleeping in the streets! I can’t have failed – I just can’t have!
Reaching the door outside his office, we met a swarm of people stood there from our year. I entered the office, and was handed a small brown envelope. I left the office and looked down at it. Whatever is in this little envelope could change everything. Would I have to drop History?
Walking back down the path, I couldn’t quite bring myself to open it. My destiny lay in my hands, and I just couldn’t face it. My teacher had told me to expect a D, and when I burst into tears, he explained that there was no shame in resitting an exam. I understood that, but in all seriousness, nobody wants to retake. He’d seemed so sure of it based on the essays I usually hand in, which had been filled with effort but occasionally lacking certain points. I could never quite nail it, but I’d revised so much before this exam! I played History games with my genius of a friend, I highlighted EVERYTHING, and I made 26 revision A4 papers in total. I’d wanted to prove my teacher wrong, and get a C. It would probably be a low C, but I tried so hard, that’s all I wanted. Just not a D, please.
I took a deep breath, and pulled the paper out slowly. My fingers were trembling as I unfolded the dreaded paper. Reading the result, I got the strangest feeling in my stomach. A feeling so strong and odd, it made me feel quite sick. I never usually feel it, but here it was, flowing through my whole body… Pride. Utter pride and total joy. I was right to hope for better than a D. All I’d wanted was that damn C, to throw in my teacher’s face. But that was not to happen today. For today, ladies an gentlemen, I would walk into his classroom, and brandish the piece of paper in his face that confirmed that I, Charlotte Penketh-King, had got a B in my first ever History A Level Module.
B!!!! I GOT A B!!! How?! How the hell did I do that?! A smile so big it hurt spread across my face and my heart beat so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest!!! I tried calling my mother, but she was at work. I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT A B!!!! THANK GOD!!!
Putting the paper, I bounded over to the giant group of people in my year, ready to celebrate. My smile was soon wiped from my face. I had entered a circle of tears, anger and pure despair. Papers that read ‘U’s and ‘E’s were everywhere. So many people had failed. People were clinging onto each other and wailing, completely lost as what to do with their life now. My pride was replaced by a sour guilt. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty – I’d worked hard for that B! But everyone just looked so upset, I felt awful that I had been so happy. I just wanted to dance in circles with my friends jubilantly – they wanted to go back to the house, cry their eyes out and eat tubs of Ben and Jerry’s. Oh dear…
Well, my dear readers, did you get any results today? If you did, how’d you do? If you are no longer in education, can you remember getting your results? Comment below! Much love to you all. Goodnight.